Tuesday, January 22, 2008
#233
You can skip this post if you want to, I feel like a philosopher now.
People ask:
-What does life mean to you?
-What's your goal, ambition in life?
-How can you waste it away, doing seemingly mindless things that the society cannot accept?
-Life means being alive to me. And to be true to myself, and to enjoy myself. And, no matter what are the choices I make, I will do it with NO REGRETS WHATSOEVER.
-My goal and ambition, sad to say. I don't have one now. Going to a poly/JC is only in hope of making things work out for me, so that I can survive alone in the world when I have to work. To be independent.
-In point of "wasting my life away, doing seemingly mindless things". Everyone's definition is different, that is if they have a brain. What may seem to you as "wasting my life away", may be viewed as something productive to me. Don't hurt my feelings, I don't want to conform to society. I don't want to be just another mindless person, working his/her way to the top, void of any life, void of any feelings.
Another point when i side-track.
Did you, ever feel so small, so insignificant, when you fail to protect something that you treasure so much so that you think you cannot live without?
Did life, let you go so out of control that you feel that you can't even control how your life's heading? Did it catch you by surprise?
Don't rebut me, saying that you can
You simply can't, you're lying if you say you can.
Like how I saw my mother lying on the hospital bed so feebly, and when she left me, the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.
If you experienced someone leaving you behind, then you will know.
But I will not cry, not in front of people.
The last breath taken in, the silence, the grim knowledge of death.
It all hurts inside. Til now, the scars are still there, it still hurts. But I will be optimistic and move on.
I AM NOT BEING PESSIMISTIC. I AM JUST BEING PRACTICAL.
&& I GROW UP;
with every relationship I have.