Thursday, December 27, 2007
#216. on the crossroads.
when i talk to weijun everytime, its like, having my reflection speaking to me.
its weird but i think he's right most of the time. i am right too! i predict how he's going to be like in the future, and it came true this year. ;D 1 year later.
last time he jio-ed me before mah, but i declined him before...
and i kept telling him that he'll find a girl who really loves him but he'd have to wait. he initially refused to listen to me ==" headstrong and very stubborn. he's all grown-up now though! and he's got a girl! hahas i am glad for him :D and i sincerely wish him all the best.
when he chatted with me today in maple. i am shocked, as in jaw-dropping shocked. i almost thought i saw the wrong guy. what went across my mind was that "oo. that 102mit so cute :D" hehs. but i dont maple liao lar. only abit :D
i was abit pissed when he asked me take off the mushroom head i was wearing. i thought it made me look retarded and i like it quite alot. cos its really very retarded mahs. :DD
well, the focus was that he thinks i have changed, well so do i. so i asked him how did i change. ( he's very useful for that purpose. but i think he can be abit harsher. :D )
-well he said i changed for the worse. ( i accept that, he broke me that news in the most delicate way he can manage, i think. he can be harsher. )
-i've got a different attitude. ( uhhm yes. )
-and that i've become more pessimistic. ( really? )
conversations with him really help me reflect, soulsearch and think. 1 year ago i was more innocent. and retarded. so i guess thats why i changed.... he has a way of making me feel bad, that i am not that innocent girl anymore, and that its not so good. i understand why.
i've got a different attitude i guess that comes from audition. i now can be loud, racous and making alot of noise. but thats the me 1 year ago wont do. and will avoid. i used to shy away from attention.... or so i think. i dont like people making a scene. and will avoid that too, at all costs.
but now. i can go to audition and SCREAM in the lobby. but it makes me feel even more empty inside, the screams echoes inside me. the chats i hold in the lobby, are fake, pretentious. i dont like that, but when i am bored, in a bad mood, i just go and do that, even if it can make me feel worse at the end of the day. i do that to amuse myself.
being pessimistic, i can see why he say that....
last year, this time, i was innocent (sorry if i disgust you) and blissful. i am happy. i mean like i finally "settled down" had kors who took care of me, di to look out for me, and all that. i've got slacker friends to slack in fms, and chiongster bf to chiong with. after that period of time, i realised reality's harsh. very.
not everything can turn out right, turn out ok. then, everything seemed to crash, crumble and burn. after that experience, you can say i've changed. i am not stranger to people telling me that anymore, yes, i did change, for better or for worse.
its been a year now, and whenever i chat with weijun, i'd say a silent thankyou to him for chatting and spending the time with him. he makes me reflect...